The 5 Love Languages
The Secret To Love That Lasts by Dr Gary Chapman
I know I’m right in saying that deep down we all want to feel loved. Whether you are a hopeless romantic or the “blokiest” of blokes, love is a feeling we all crave. What many of us neglect is what makes those around us feel most loved…
Dalice introduced me to this book in our early stages of courting – she actually mentioned it in a conversation and I downloaded a copy and read it that night.
It was a great tool for developing our relationship from it’s foundation. From the start we were able to share openly with one another what our highest value that made us feel loved.
What is it about?
After years of practicing as a relationship counsellor, Dr Gary Chapman identified a common theme of patterns creating blocks in peoples relationships. After counselling for thousands of hours he came to the conclusion that people feel most loved in relationships with the following values:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
While many people will feel loved with all of the above, subconsciously we all primarily gravitate to 1 or 2 of the values.
There are many real-life stories shared in the book. Stories include the husband…
- “telling her she’s beautiful all the time”
- “buying her gifts regularly”
- “mows the lawn every weekend”
- “they have a great sex life”
…but the wife’s main love language is Quality Time. She feels loved most when her husband will come home, connect with her authentically and engage in conversation and be present with her. The husband could buy all the flowers in the world, but she just wants him to be emotionally available and connect.
The book is very simple to read and there is a survey you can then complete online to work out what your main love language is.
What I learnt
- That we shouldn’t judge what we think makes others feel loved
- That it is important in a relationship to make sure we continue to be open and talk about what we value and what makes us feel loved
- Prior to reading the book, I looked at the 5 love languages and pretty much knew straight away that mine was going to be Physical Touch – I do love my Oxytocin fix from a good cuddle!
- That it is important to find out what makes people feel loved in all of your relationships – not just your husband/wife/partner etc. Being present with your family, friends and children and what they value makes for great relationships also.
This is a book that Dalice and I have recommended to so many people and is one of our favourites. It is a fun book to read as is the survey.
Grab a copy and have some fun with your partner, see if you can guess their love language. You may even be surprised what your own turns out to be.